Maybe You Should Talk to Someone PDF Free Download

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone PDF Download Info

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About book

Lori Gottlieb’s book Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb explores the ways in which people blind themselves to the truth about their problems, the deepest fears that often underlie those problems, and the key factors to confronting and overcoming those fears. The author found herself in a similar situation when she started suffering a crisis of her own, and was able to gain a deeper understanding of her experiences by relating them to those of her patients. The book summary has been modified to protect the patients’ anonymity, but the underlying truths and lessons remain.

When patients enter therapy?

   The author usually uses the question “So, tell me what brings you here today?” to begin her first therapy session with a patient. The patient’s presenting problem can be something specific, such as experiencing the loss of a loved one or suffering from panic attacks. However, it usually isn’t the patient’s real, underlying problem and the solution he seeks isn’t the real solution. For example, a television scriptwriter named John came to the author with a seemingly straightforward set of presenting problems, such as insomnia, fighting with his wife and feeling stressed out by work. However, his real problems involved some tragic incidents from his past, such as his mother being run over by a car and his son being killed in a car accident.

    John developed a host of personal and emotional problems, including unacknowledged grief and an inability to be vulnerable with people. He kept the tragedy of his son’s death a secret for nearly half a year and deflected her questions with inappropriate jokes, insults, interruptions and other forms of rude behavior.Acknowledging his grief and learning to become more vulnerable with people were the real solutions, but it took him a long time to recognize these problems and do anything about them.

Patients often begin therapy believing in unhelpful narratives

Therapy is often used to simplify a problem and project it outward instead of digging deeper and shifting focus inward. This was the case for the author when she sought out therapy after her boyfriend announced that he wanted to call off their relationship due to her being a single mom with an eight-year-old son. This sent her into a tailspin of anxiety and depression, leading her to seek out a therapist named Wendell.

    The author came to Wendell’s office with a narrative of her breakup, believing that it was caused by her ex-boyfriend’s selfish and sociopathic behavior. Wendell refused to validate her narrative, seeing it as a way to avoid her real issues. 

Therapy patients use defense mechanisms to avoid confronting the truth

   Therapy can be challenging, as it requires patients to dig deep into their psyches and reveal the ugly, potentially unflattering wounds that are festering there. Many patients put up defense mechanisms to ward off therapy, such as focusing on their ex-boyfriend and his alleged misdeeds, which prevents them from addressing their real issues.

   Therapist Wendell noticed that the author was grieving the death of the future she had envisioned with her ex-boyfriend, and was also grieving for her own mortality. A couple of years before the crisis, she had begun experiencing a mysterious illness with a wide range of symptoms, but none of them could diagnose it. This fear of death may be the most fundamental reason for a therapy patient’s presenting problems.

   Rita, a 69-year-old woman who had been socially isolated for a decade, started getting pedicures to have physical contact with others. She was on the extreme end of a spectrum of loneliness, similar to John, who was surrounded by colleagues but still felt a sense of isolation. Rita’s relationship with her ex-boyfriend helped to ease her fear of isolation, but when they broke up, her fear bubbled to the surface and she was afraid she’d never find another romantic partner. Through therapy, the author and her therapist experience an extended period of uninterrupted time in which to have an intimate, face-to-face conversation. Through this, the patient is able to tell her story and feel understood by the therapist, who helps rewrite her narrative into one that will help her move forward with her life.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone PDF Free Download.