Hold Me Tight PDF Free Download

Hold Me Tight PDF Download Info

Book overview

   Sue Johnson’s “Hold Me Tight” is a marriage counseling book by a well-known marriage counselor. It explains the core assumptions that she uses in her form of emotionally focused therapy, such as the idea that partners are asking each other if they can count on each other and if they matter to each other. She also explains that adults respond to this feeling in one of two main ways: fight or flight. People who are more prone to a “fight” response will try to solve problems quickly. People who are more prone to a “fight” or “flight” response tend to approach their partner and try to solve problems, while those who are more prone to a “flight” response tend to avoid talking about problems.

   Emotionally focused therapy aims to stop these patterns of conflict by uncovering the feeling of distance between the two partners. For example, a fight person would say something like “I want to feel important to you and I don’t when you forget to appreciate me taking out the trash” while a flight person would say something like “When you tell me I didn’t pick up the kids, I feel like you are not doing a good job as a husband”.

   Dr. Sue Johnson’s EFT approach to couples counseling applies attachment science to the spousal relationship, which is of concern to foster parents. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love teaches readers how to identify and redevelop emotional unresponsiveness in a relationship using seven conversation prompts. Dr. Johnson’s program focuses on four conversations: Recognizing Demon Dialogues, Finding the Raw Spots, Revisiting a Rocky Moment, Hold Me Tight, Forgiving Injuries, Bonding Through Sex and Touch, and Keeping Your Love Alive. These conversations help couples identify negative and destructive remarks, find the raw spots, revisit a Rocky Moment, hold me tight, forgive injuries, bond through sex and touch, and keep your love alive.

Summary of Hold Me Tight

   Couples often argue over trivial issues such as stray hairs in the drain or dirty dishes in the sink due to their fear of losing their emotional connection. This fear is not based on irrational fear, but rather on a natural human inclination to find fault in others. This can lead to a downward spiral as both partners pull away in different directions. The “sour milk” test suggests that when milk gets spoiled, a happy couple buys new milk, while an unhappy couple plays the blame game. Pam and Jim’s argument escalated into a back-and-forth blame attack, which can be avoided by recognizing the patterns of how you and your partner blame each other. Both agreed to stop blaming each other and felt like they had taken the first step towards a healthier relationship.

   Past trauma can trigger strong reactions in relationships, and that it is important to share emotional wounds with your partner. This will help them understand you better and improve communication in the relationship. Additionally, life presents more severe obstacles, such as illness, depression, and the loss of a job or loved one, which can place additional strain on relationships. Claire and Peter became stuck in a cycle of blame and miscommunication due to various difficulties in their lives. To recognize these detachments and reconnect, it is important to explore what triggers a fight. They both realized their respective behaviors were difficult to handle and resolved to cease taking part in these patterns.

   Relationships can inflict traumatic events, such as when one partner repeatedly denies the other’s offering of love. These traumas can be resolved, but it requires confronting the partner and feeling that they can acknowledge the pain involved. To heal this damage, Helen took the first step by clearly articulating her pain and Conrad acknowledged the trauma. It is common for relationships to start with a fiery burst of romance before gradually cooling down into more of a friendly partnership, but unsatisfactory sex is usually a result of emotional challenges. Couples who feel emotionally connected are more likely to share their vulnerabilities, improving the quality of their sex lives.

   Emotional bonding is key to good sex, as it helps them tune into each other’s feelings and experiences. It also helps them share their vulnerabilities, such as insecurities about their bodies.

“EMOTIONAL SAFETY” AND OTHER TERMINOLOGY

   Dr. Johnson’s book teaches how to use A.R.E. conversations (based on accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement) to get at the heart of what is happening in connection and disconnection. She contrasts our culture’s emphasis on independence and self-sufficiency with the reality of what makes couples work: mutual support, emotional bonding, and healthy meeting of emotional needs. Her work is meant to shift the narrative around healthy emotional support and depending on our spouses to meet emotional needs. Dr. Johnson’s seven conversation topics include addressing arguments and conflict, improving daily moments of connection, creating rituals that reinforce love, and improving sexual relationship. She also leads you through personal reflection and practical application sections to help you have a productive conversation with your partner about how they apply to your relationship. She also includes a chapter specifically targeting the challenging symptoms and disconnection that arises when trauma exists in your relationship, reminding the reader that using these principles is still possible within their recovery from trauma.

   Trauma is a result of emotionally violent events that alter a person’s outlook on the world. Effective healing can be facilitated through emotional bonding, which is why having a partner or loved ones to bond with following trauma is crucial. Even a casual disagreement with a romantic partner can lead to debilitating insecurity about the relationship. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can help overcome this problem. Inconsequential things can make or break a relationship, as they are often about deeper concerns related to the strength of their romantic attachment.

Review

   Dr. Sue Johnson is the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which focuses on understanding how we connect with other people (attachment) and how that affects our emotions. The book is broken up into parts, each of which covers a different aspect of connection. The book can help anyone who is part of a relationship and are starting to feel disconnect, as it can help them reconnect and form a stronger relationship with their partner.

   Hold Me Tight is a book designed for couples to read together in a self-guided process. It looks at relationships through the lens of attachment theory, recognizing and honoring the need for a secure attachment to the other. It is not perfect, but it offers practical knowledge about attachment needs, which underlie many of our hopes, fears, and behaviors in relationships.

   Dr. Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight explores how couples can overcome destructive patterns in their relationship to forge a stronger connection. She uses the lenses of attachment theory and neuroscience to explore how to turn challenging patterns of argument and conflict into opportunities to create connection and empathy. The book is written for the everyday couple and provides practical tips and language that can help counselors guide their clients in their relationships.

Hold Me Tight PDF Free Download